The Funniest Jokes

100 year old man

A 60-year-old man is getting his annual physical:

- Doc, do you think I'll live another 40 years so I can reach 100?

- That depends," says the doctor. Do you smoke?

- No

- Do you drink?

- No

- Do you fool around with loose women?

- Of course not

- Well, then, why the hell do you want to live for another 40 years?

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It's alright

Two friends talking:

- Sorry man, I slept with your wife

- It's ok, I sleep with her every ninght

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We're all gonna die

- Doctor, I ate pizza with the expired date of consumption, what'll happen to me, am I gonna die?

- Well everyone is going to die some day, you know....

- Oh my God! What have I done? Now we're all gonna die!

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Happy Marriage

- Honey, both that journalist and the engineer proposed to our daughter!

- So who's the lucky man?

- The engineer. Our daughter married the journalist

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Pick up line

- Hey girl, did anyone tell you that you look like Marilyn Monroe?

- Noooooooo!!!!

- That's right! 'cause you look like Arnold Schwarzenegger

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NATO in Libya

In order to protect civilians from airstrikes NATO air forces have to gun down themselves

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At school

- Bobby, would you like to go to heaven?

- Yes Miss, but I really need to be going home after the classes

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Bandaged blonde

A blonde with bandaged arm and foot meets her friend.

- What happened to you?

- I was using a vacuum cleaner and it hit me in the arm

- But why is your foot bandaged?

- I kicked it back!

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Surfer

One shark to the other: Look at this surfer - he's being served just like in a restaurant on a food-tray and with a napkin

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God doesn't exist

"God doesn't exist" - Karl Marx

"Karl Marx no longer exists" – God

Source : Funny Jokes