Funny Jokes

Funny Jokes – Happie

BORIS HAMILTON: BAGGY CLOTHES

Every once in a while, I'll be walking around, going, 'Look at me! My clothes are kind of baggy. Maybe I am losing weight.' Turns out -- just laundry time. Maybe I shouldn't wear the same jeans six days in a row.

JIMMY ALECK: NOT ANSWERING THAT

Now that I'm married, I'm being asked questions I have never been asked before in my entire life. The other day, my wife came up to me and said, 'Do you think I'm fat?' I said, 'Excuse me sweetheart, but do you see "stupid jackass" written on my face? Do you see "let's have a fight for no apparent reason" written on my face somewhere?'

ALEXANDRA MCHALE: NOT A COMPLIMENT

I started dating this guy that I've known for a long time, and I thought, 'Oh, this'll be so great, we've been friends for a while,' until he gave me what he thought was a compliment. He said, 'Even though you used to be wafer thin and you're not anymore, I'm still just as attracted to you.' Oh yeah, he's a real smooth talker. So naturally, I'm upset about this. I call my best friend Carla, and she goes, 'You know what -- that is such crap because, first of all, you have never been wafer thin.'

LENNY CLARKE: FREE MEMBERSHIP

I went to a gym. They offered me free membership for life if I posed for a 'don't let this happen to you' poster.

MOPEDS AND FAT LADIES

What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common?

They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.

KEVIN BRENNAN: HOUSEBOUND OBESITY

How do you not see that coming? Don't you gradually get fatter? It's not Willy Wonka and that blueberry girl, where you just blow up overnight. If you're walking out of your house sideways 'cause you're too fat, make a mental note, alright?

OBESE MICHIGAN MAMMAS

How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator?

Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie.

BILLIAM CORONEL: OVERWEIGHT AT THE BEACH

I am overweight. My whole family is overweight. We go to the beach, and people swim out to us.

Source : Funny Jokes

Funny Short Jokes